http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/travel/drunk-pilot-asks-control-tower-where-the-bloody-hell-have-you-hidden-yourself/story-e6frezhr-1225768287492A DRUNK pilot radioed the control tower to ask: "Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?"
The 65-year-old amateur pilot was allegedly full of beer and wine before taking to the skies above the eastern German state of Thuringia in his Cessna light aircraft on Sunday (AEST).
Once airborne, he served himself some more cocktails while at the controls.
Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the Schoengleida airfield was.
"Come on, I know you're down there," he radioed. "Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?"
Control tower staff say he also sang a few songs, cracked a mother-in-law joke and told them to "pull their fingers out as I've got a party to go to".
Fearing instrument failure, the tower scrambled a rescue helicopter stationed at the airfield. It homed in on the man in clear blue skies some 30km west of the airport and gave instructions for the pilot to follow it back.
Officials at Schoengleida said the pilot, who has not been named, made a safe landing.
"But when the helicopter pilot went over to see him, that was when he got the full force of the alcohol fumes in his face," said a spokesman.
The man was unsteady on his feet as he wobbled from the cockpit to his parked car. Concerned airfield authorities alerted police.
He was stopped on the way home, breathalysed and found to be nearly four times over the legal limit for driving.
He has lost his driving licence and his pilot's licence.
Subject: Drunk pilot asks control tower 'where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself' 
September 1st 2009, 10:17 am